Many years ago, I've always believed that married Christians were not vulnerable to divorce or in the Philippines, annulment. I didn't even know the word divorce until I was 10 when one of my classmates mentioned that her parents don't live together anymore and have families of their own. As I got older, a lot of questions started to pool in my mind like "If these couples made a covenant with God when they got married, then why is their marriage on the rocks?" or "These couples accepted Jesus as their savior and lord, but why is lordship not seen in their marriage?" And now that I'm married, it breaks my heart even more whenever I hear stories of rifted relationships. Just recently, I just finished a book that's called The 5 Languages of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman. The book talks about the 5 love languages (obviously) and how everyone speaks his own love language. In his other book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted, he showed the statistics done by a Christian researcher, George Barna that 35 percent of what he calls "born-again" Christians, those who have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord have experienced divorce. And the younger generations are much more likely to divorce than were their elders. Sad right?
Dr. Chapman, being a marriage counselor for so many years concluded that the main reason why marriages are torn apart is because the couples do not speak the primary love language of their spouses, thus, feel unloved. It's actually pretty simple to understand, but it requires effort. A lot of effort!
When Bryan and I were still dating, we were in an "in-love-experience". We had our own bubble and anyone who dared to burst our little world meant war. It was the typical you and me against the world, teenyboppy drama. When we got married, we both realized that our relationship somewhat changed, but not the unfavorable type. It matured, definitely. I never asked him about it, but I personally felt that the twitterpatted moments were gone. Nevertheless, I still felt love because he unconsciously fills my emotional love tank, and that's where the love languages fit in.
Here are the contenders!!!
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time'
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
|All photos were taken from Google Images.|
Bryan and I took the quiz so we would find out and apply the primary love language we speak. You may go to this website, and start taking the quiz. It doesn't matter what age or status you're in--even kids can ace it. Dr. Chapman says it's very rare for couples to speak the same language, but in our case, Bryan and I express the same primary love language--Quality Time. That explains why Bryan and I prefer to just stay at home and do things together, contented, which I bet a lot of people find boring. Sometimes we stay in one room doing separate things, and I'm perfectly fine with that. It explains why I get anxious when he goes out to run an errand and I'm left at home. It explains why I feel so elated when we talk about our past, our childhood, our secrets. It explains why I'm upset when his attention is divided during a chitchat. It explains why I'm fully recharged when we go to the mall, just strolling around and not necessarily buy anything. It explains why I think I'm not a high maintenance wife (hahaha) and many more. Even before we discovered our love language, we already have this "Cutee Time". It's actually QT, short for quality time. When Bryan or I say, "Cutee please", we both immediately cease whatever things we're doing at the moment (eg. close the book, turn off the laptop, set aside the smart phones) and focus on each other. Of course, there are still remaining 4 languages and they are supplementary to fill that emotional love tank.
"Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself."- Gary Chapman
Finally, this all boils down to the infinite source of love who is Jesus. This man who died for us because of love. Today, I pray that every husband and wife may speak the love language of their spouse, that they will never get tired of finding ways to please each other, and to love just as Jesus loved us.
all you need is love,